Ready, set … blather on

Just a little notebook I made. Morgan called it art, said it should be a diptych.
There’s been a lot on my mind lately. I recently conducted an interview for my day job. It was with a CEO of a of an international company. His recipe for success is: Decide what you want to do and apply yourself.
I have been chewing on that for weeks. Do I spend evenings making jewelry? Yes. Do I give up most Saturdays six months out of the year to sell said jewelry and other items that I make? Yup.
But there’s so much more to do to feel like I have a handle on the business angle of what I do. I barely dip into social media. (By the way, you can follow me on Instagram at @ponderpress.) I can’t even remember the last time I made use of my business page on Facebook. That’s just the tip of the what-I-should-be-doing iceberg.
A friend told me that success is a state of mind. As much as I agree with that, it all depend’s on one’s goals. I think. If feeling good about what you do is your goal, then just feeling successful is the way to go. Sometimes basking in a sense of community is my biggest goal. But if I’m honest with myself, my dreams have me doing bead embroidery for hours on end. Unfortunately, the pendants I make mean that’s not a financially sound decision. So, what do I need to make and sell to make that dream come true?
And, how much work am I willing to do? I already feel plenty busy, but that’s busy with the fun stuff. Is the promotion that I need to address.
It’s time to set some clear and firm goals, isn’t it? That’s what I thought.
I regret not getting and pressing more of this plant. I don’t regret that blue.
And if all of those thoughts and worries weren’t enough, I signed up for a two-day class at Pratt: Mixed Media Sketchbook. I don’t draw. I don’t keep a sketchbook. What was I thinking? The saving grace is that we’ll be doctoring up blank journal pages with stamps and stencils and image transfers. Those things I do know how to do/use.
But, that doesn’t mean that I’m not freaking out about being expected to at least tackle some kind of drawing or sketch. Then again, this feels a lot like art journaling. I’ve not done much of that, but I’ve sure read many issue of Art Journaling Magazine and and own several books about it.
You see what it’s like to live with my brain? The worry. The rebuttal. More worry. More attempts at calming myself down. It’s exhausting. But it’s also nice to be aware of how I’m feeling and why.
When I expressed my worries to Morgan, he said that my willingness to jump in and try things without any sense of mastery is part of what he likes about me. That sure was nice to hear. It certainly doesn’t mean that there won’t be a continuous inner monologue about how lacking in skills I am and how great everyone is.
Then again, the class is barely a week before Christmas. It seems like a nice time to chill out a little and dabble in something fun. See!? See what it’s like to be witness to my ceaseless push-me, pull-you thoughts? It’s not pretty.
There’s some good depth to this one. Plus, pink and green are great together!

On the bright side of things, in little more than 48 hours my busiest jewelry-selling weekend of the holiday season will be done. Afterwards I can think about making gifts, photographing items for my Etsy store and more. From this vantage point it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But you know what? It’s all going to be OK.

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